Cross-sport champion: The worst hubs
On Sunday, I introduced a version of the Capital One Cup, but for pro sports, where the pro teams are divvied into local hubs (ideally the same city, but some of the sports are difficult about that LOOKING AT YOU HOCKEY) and compete as a unit for the end-of-year crown.
(Click here for the full breakdown.)
Today, using the records (ad additional points awarded for playoff success) from the most recent full seasons in each sport, I’m going to start the power rankings, counting down from 30 to 1. Friday, we’ll crown the All-Sport Champion City for the most recent sports seasons.
30. 8 Mile (Detroit; combined result: 0.372)
Detroit Lions: 3.5-12.5
Detroit Tigers: 47-114
Detroit Pistons: 41-41
Detroit Red Wings: 32-50
Bonus awarded: 0.01 for Pistons’ playoff appearance
If you had to draw up a city that would be last in a little game like this, completely city-agnostic, it’d be Detroit, right? Other than the Red Wings for a while, it’s never exactly been a sports-dominant city, and right now is a particularly fallow period. And things would be even worse if the 2019-2020 NBA and NHL seasons had been completed; both the Pistons and Red Wings were struggling when things got stopped. If there’s a positive for the Detroit contingent, it’s … well, it’s the fact that there aren’t sports right now.
29. Bad Boys (Miami combined result: 0.401)
Miami Dolphins: 5-11
Miami Marlins: 57-105
Miami Heat: 39-43
Florida Panthers: 36-46
Bonus awarded: None
Prior to Tua Tagovailoa’s arrival in Miami, who is the biggest star there? The baseball team was led in WAR by Brian Anderson. The football team has Ryan Fitzpatrick, but then he’s not so much a “star” as an easily identifiable player. The Panthers have Aleksander Barkov, who (forgive me, I’m not much of a hockey guy) is definitely good but not exactly Wayne Gretzky. The Heat had Bam Adebayo; again, good, but this ain’t the Dwyane Wade Heat.
28. Psycho (Phoenix combined result: 0.434)
Arizona Cardinals: 5.5-10.5
Arizona Diamondbacks: 85-77
Phoenix Suns: 19-63
Arizona Coyotes: 39-53
Bonus awarded: None
The Cardinals are going to be a fascinating team going forward, with Kliff Kingsbury and Kyler Murray having a year of experience and now adding DeAndre Hopkins to the mix. The Suns and Coyotes both got a fair bit better in the abbreviated 2019-2020 seasons. The Diamondbacks are interesting. The Arizona contingent might fare much better after the next full seasons than they have off of the most recent ones. But for now, it’s a tough go.
27. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (Chicago combined result: 0.439)
Chicago Bears: 8-8
Chicago Cubs: 84-78
Chicago Bulls: 22-60
Chicago Blackhawks: 36-46
Bonus awarded: None
The Bears and Blackhawks are competent. The Cubs were above-average. The Bulls? I mean, I hope you enjoyed The Last Dance, Chicago, because that’s the best basketball Chicago has these days. The Bulls were doing better in the 2019-2020 season before everything closed up shop, but even then they were 8 games out of a playoff spot in the Eastern Conference.
26. The Wire (Baltimore combined result: 0.463)
Baltimore Ravens: 14-2
Baltimore Orioles: 54-108
Oklahoma City Thunder: 49-33
New Jersey Devils: 31-51
Bonus awarded: 0.02 for Ravens’ second-round playoff loss; 0.01 for Thunder’s playoff appearance
You know how there are some students in school who show savant-like abilities in certain subjects? Like, they can solve advanced mathematical formulas without showing their work, but they can’t conjugate “to be”? That’s this group. The Ravens were the best team in football last year and the Thunder were pretty good. The Devils struggled. The Orioles might as well not have shown up. It’s like an athlete with a dead leg still trying to make a show, dragging that dead leg into competition with it.
25. Chinatown (Los Angeles 2 combined result: 0.478)
Los Angeles Chargers: 5-11
Los Angeles Angels: 72-90
Los Angeles Clippers: 48-34
Anaheim Ducks: 35-47
Bonus awarded: 0.01 for Clippers’ playoff appearance
This could look a fair bit different next year. The Chargers and Angels could both be much improved. The Clippers were one of the three or four best team sin the NBA. The Ducks … are also there. So next year’s version of this, assuming we get enough sports back to be worth it, could show a nice result for ol’ LA2. But this year, these teams were by and large disappointing.
(Coming Tuesday: Teams 19-24, including two teams who made the final four of their respective leagues.)