A treatise on humor (just kidding, here’s a bunch of Star Wars puns)

When I was … I want to say in middle school, but who knows, I asked my parents if they thought I was actually funnier than most people or if I just tried harder to be funny than most. My dad said he didn’t know.

My mom? “Oh, you just try harder.”

Now, to be clear, my mom thinks I am hilarious. My wife thinks the main reason I tell as many dumb, awful jokes as I do is because ol’ reliable Betsy will laugh at anything, and that’s very emboldening. But the reason for her answer — heck, the reason for my question — is that I grew up on cartoons and sitcoms with wisecracking characters, where at least as much dialogue is devoted to being funny as it is to advancing the plot. That ain’t how people talk in real life. But it became how I approached conversation, and ultimately, it’s why I think mom was right — I’m funny enough, but what really happens when I get people to laugh is that I throw a hundred jokes at the wall, well, a couple will stick.

It’s the baseball player who only strikes out or hits homers. You remember the power. If you actually look at the back of the baseball card, you realize “Damn, this dude is only okay.” But you remember the highlights, and that works out well.

I’m not sure if those paragraphs work out to bragging, or modesty, or humblebrag, but it’s all a way-too-long lead-in to Monday night. Monday was May 4, or “Star Wars Day” in common parlance. My wife, brother-in-law, and I were going to join a Zoom online Star Wars trivia night and needed a team name. For those unfamiliar with trivia team names, the best ones are funny, and that often means puns. The first time I ever did Star Wars trivia night, our team name was “R2D2: The Mighty Ducks,” which everybody has always laughed at. So we were discussing our options.

Ric, my brother-in-law, gave one suggestion: “How do Jedi unzip files? Adobe-Wan Kenobi.”

That’s a good joke! It probably isn’t a home run, but he was 1-for-1 with a double. Pretty good day at the plate.

I went a different route. Keep in mind that I’m only a very fringey Star Wars fan. I’ve seen all the movies (except Solo), but only once each. The series is fine. That’s about all it is. But puns, man, I love puns. I offered many puns:

• “I’m surprised Laura Dern was only in one Star Wars movie. You’d think she’d be more of a Holdo-ver.”

• “What do Gungans drink out of? Mason Jar-Jars!”

• “Where does Master Calrissian go swimming? Lando Lakes!”

• “What was Leia’s favorite subject in school? Organa chemistry!”

• “What’s a bounty hunter’s favorite drink? Boba tea!”

• “Where do Sith go shopping? At the Darth Mall.”

• “Where does Kelly Marie Tran get her Mexican food? At Rose Taco Tico.”

• “Why was Keri Russell the dumbest Star Wars character? Because ignorance is Zorii Bliss.”

• “If I’m 100 cents, what am I? Amidala!” (This one requires you to say it out loud with a particular inflection, because what’s a joke without extra work?)

• “How did Samuel L Jackson’s character die? They threw him out the Windu!”

I said more jokes other than those. Can’t even remember them all. But they were all varying degrees of that. Not very good. Lot of eye-rolling. My mom might have laughed, if she heard them and had ever seen a Star Wars movie. But there’s nothing better than a single in there, and most of those are popups and strikeouts.

But then!

• “How do you cook stir-fry on the internet? With an ewok!”

That’s also dumb, but it’s a good dumb. Laurie laughed. Ric laughed. It was our team name, and during trivia the announcer laughed at it multiple times and even dropped a “that’s cute.” Success!

Ric had a higher batting average on the day. But I got the SportsCenter highlight, y’all.